So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
