How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
