My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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