I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
