32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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