Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
