Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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