Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
