brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
