Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
