Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
