Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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