Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
