i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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