You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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