franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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