We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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