Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found your dick twin last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
