apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
