Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
