Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
