i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
