and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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