Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
