i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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