I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize