its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
