Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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