Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize