i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
