speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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