Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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