Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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