He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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