It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
