Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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