By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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