The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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