If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
