he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize