i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
