I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
