i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
