FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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