I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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