i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
