i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
