I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
