Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm too high and old for this...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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