i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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