I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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