i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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