dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
