I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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