hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
