My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
