everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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