Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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