isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found puke in my bra..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
