To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
