just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
