she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
third nipple confirmed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
