I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
