somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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