so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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