My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
